Use lively, interesting devices

The following devices are great openings for sales letters, brochures, annual reports, and many other types of documents. At first, you may need to spend time mulling over which is right for your message or audience, but soon you’ll know instinctively.

1. Anecdotes. People love stories, whether they’re about the stock market or the latest trends in health care. That’s why short anecdotes — one or two paragraphs — open documents so nicely. The stories should be true and intriguing and have a smooth chronological order that moves readers from point to point. Here’s a good example from a brochure about a small grocery store that evolved into a national supermarket chain:

It was 1905. It was the year Ben Hersowitz and his wife, Hannah, opened a small grocery store in New York City. It was also the year immigrants arrived from all over Europe.
In their new and often difficult environment, Ben and Hannah’s new neighbors struggled for basic provisions — milk, flour, eggs. The Hersowitzes knew they needed to help, and established a special credit system and a work-forfood exchange to keep their young neighborhood strong.

It was in the spirit of community involvement and highquality products that Ben and Hannah’s store grew over the next century to become SuperMart, one of the world’s largest supermarket chains. Of course, a lot has changed since 1905, and we’ve added radios, televisions, lawn furniture, and even pets to our shelves.

To find the right anecdotes, stay alert when you’re in the office, reading the paper, and talking with coworkers. If you find an interesting piece, but don’t think you’ll use it soon, clip it anyway. You may have an opportunity to use it later.

2. Descriptions. You’d be amazed at the versatility of a descriptive lead. Obviously they’re great for introducing concrete itemspeople, buildings, even food. But you can also use descriptions for ideas or services.

Why are descriptions so effective? For many reasons. First, descriptions force you to use specific words, making the message more revealing and interesting. When describing a property, for example, you need to say more than “It’s big.” You need to show how big — 3 acres or 44.

Second, descriptions help your readers take in your message more completely. Instead of simply reading it, they may see it, smell it, hear it, and even feel it, depending on the information you provide. The result: your readers have a whole experience, will be more interested, and will remember your message longer.

When creating descriptions, remember that structure is key. Don’t jump from point to point, but move the reader from one characteristic to the next in a flowing order, using appropriate transitions. Here’s an example:
You can’t see it — but every time you pick up the phone it’s there. It’s strong, too — strong enough to bring you across the world in moments. And it’s there when you want it to be — whether you’re in your car, at home, or at the office. It’s our new telephone service. It’s cheaper that MCI, Sprint, or AT&T. can be yours with a phone call.

3. Quotes. When professionals think of quotes, they usually think of JFK, Winston Churchill, Abe Lincoln, and other high-profile, usually deceased, sources. Numerous writers have books laden with quotes for every occasion alongside their dictionaries and style guides. But you can quote anyone, from a young child who says something innocent yet insightful, to a journalist whose article supports your case.

Quotes sound different from the narrative voice. This contrast gives your writing the texture and color it needs to fully intrigue your readers — from the first line to the last of your introductory paragraph. Quotes also accentuate your point. For example, quoting a manager on the inside scoop at a software company is more convincing than simply summarizing his or her perspective. Finally, quotes, simply by being embraced by quotation marks or set in italics, will attract your readers. The next trick, of course, is following the quote with an equally intriguing and inviting line of your own. Look at this example from a wine seller’s brochure:

“Good living is the best revenge.” — Oscar Wilde

You and your employees had a hard week. You worked overtime to finish a project with a drop-dead deadline. Your competition is edging in on your best client. And the cash flow has become a drip and clog. It’s the end of the week and you want . . . revenge. How? By opening a bottle of Vineyard’s best wine and letting the good living begin.

4. Dialogue. Dialogue also gives readers an interesting-sounding, firsthand account of information directly linked to your subject. And since dialogue occurs between two or more parties, readers get the feeling they’re eavesdropping on some spicy conversation. The better the dialogue, the more intriguing or suggestive the content, the more your readers will want to keep reading.

Your problem is finding this dialogue. Quote books exist, but dialogue books don’t. Newspapers and magazines are great sources if you remember to keep alert while reading and record usable portions as you go. You can always use hypothetical situations. But beware of creating stiff, unlikely language or boring expressions. Keep the language as compelling and fresh as possible, drawing your reader into the body of your piece:

Does this scene seem familiar?

Father. A counselor from your school called today and told me a lot of students have been taking drugs. She wanted me to talk to you about it.

Son: Don’t bother me, Dad.

Father. This is important. Drugs can kill, you know.

Son: Just leave me alone, Dad. You don’t know anything about it.

If you want help getting your son or daughter to open up about drugs call the National Center for Drug Education. We’ll provide you with brochures, information sheets, even films to help you talk with your children. You can bet your child’s life on it.

5. True-or-false statements. True-or-false statements are document openers. They create tension and actively engage readers in your message. They also have a unique, gamelike quality, daring readers to guess the right answer. And they establish a friendly yet professional tone, using interesting, staccato sentence rhythms.

Your biggest task is to make your true or false statements challenging for your readers. Perhaps you want to undermine old

notions. Or give a new slant to commonly known facts. Regardless of your objective, you must provide startling, lesser-known information that immediately connects to your message. Look at this opening from a health insurance company’s brochure:

True or false? Only 10% of college students eventually find careers in their majors.

True. Most lose interest once they enter the real world and find work in other areas.

6. Facts. Objective information — especially statistics, percentages, and dollar amounts — is a great opener. For starters, it’s reliable, giving readers concrete information that will intrigue, interest, and, perhaps, astonish them. In addition, it gives credibility to your message while underscoring your point.

Mentioning a specific source, whether the Wall Street Journal or a government report, can enhance the validity of your facts. Sometimes, however, you may want to keep your source more general, particularly when your company initiated the study you’re quoting. For example, rather than say:

We recently conducted a study that showed dogs who eat our Protein Plus dog food live up to two years longer than other dogs of the same breed.

write:

One recent study showed that dogs who eat Yam’s Protein Plus dog food live up to two years longer than other dogs of the same breed.

Beware of common facts. Use only vibrant and surprising information.

7. Specific advantages. Sad, but true: in business writing, anyway, readers care more about themselves than about you. That’s why mentioning specific advantages at the beginning is a surefire way to

lure your readers into a brochure, proposal, direct mail piece, or any other type of document. The trick here, as with other openings, is to stay reader focused. Look at this example:

You get more than one month’s free checks at Commerce Bank and Trust. You get a special information center, ready to advise you about the best investments, the most suitable loans, and the highest-interest savings account for you. And you get something no other bank provides: an advisory center with information on which stockbrokers, accountants, and independent bookkeepers are the best — and most trustworth — in the state.

8. Contrasting points. Showing the differences and, possibly, the similarities between two services or ideas can be a great way to play up the ultimate advantages of one of them. Just be sure that the advantages are quantifiable and will truly interest your readers. In this example, the writer provides the reader with money-saving tips for purchasing generic products in the wholesale center:

What’s the difference between 4.5 pounds of the leading laundry detergent and our leading no-brand variety? About $2.00.

9. Problems and solutions. This is a great setup for almost any type of document, provided you have provocative, complex problems and sensible solutions. Here, you can promise results to one organization by showing how you brought them to another. Or, you can use the problem-solution setup to convince your readers to take an action by showing the results that action brought others. In addition, problem-solution setups have an engaging, anecdotal quality. Take this example from a direct mail piece:

Tom Sutherland of Norwood Corporation had a problem. He had to design and copy information sheets and brochures introducing his company’s new product for an important trade show . . . in two days. This already difficult task was even more difficult since two of his employees were out sick and the other three were working on important assignments. And, Tom was working on a tight budget. That’s when Tom called us.

10. Questions. Questions are the most used introductory option. They are also the most abused. They tend to lie flat, stagnant on the page, asking readers to respond to such obvious inquiries as these:

Are you interested in saving money? Tired of paying too much on your heating bills?

The readers’ response: a big sigh and a rustle as they turn the page. Yet questions really are a great device. They sound interesting, make a refreshing change from the usual period-ending statement, and create tension, compelling the reader to continue to the answerand beyond.To create absorbing questions, remember to follow these three simple rules:
a. Answer the question immediately. Frequently, business writers ask questions and neglect to answer them, opting instead to provide related, yet loosely connected information. This disturbs the structure, distracts the reader, and makes the question irrelevant. If you want to withhold an answer for a few paragraphs, fine, but make sure your readers know one is coming soon.
b. Provide information as you ask. You have absolutely no room for fluff anywhere in your document — especially in the opening. That’s why every word of your question must give your readers concrete information. The best way to achieve this is through specifics. Look at this opening from a newsletter article for home owners:

Thirty-five percent of local houses will be robbed this year; will yours be one of them? Where does your house rank in a recent government test for safety and security?

c. Use interesting language. Make sure your question sounds sincere by avoiding clichéd and tired expressions and keeping your wording lively and specific.

TRY THIS! Rewrite these openings using different devices:
1. Did you know that our employees use over a ton of paper a year? And that much of that paper goes into the wastebasket to become just so much more environmental waste? Did you also know that the white cardboard boxes outside the elevators on every floor will recycle that paper and in the process, minimize pollution?
2. Everyone said Molly Slater was pretty. She had enviable red hair, pale green eyes, and skin pale as milkweed. Molly knew how to dress, too, always wearing tailored suits, with perfectly coordinated accessories, from her pinkie ring to her buttons. Molly had only one problem: she weighed 380 pounds.

TRY THIS! Rewrite the beginnings of several of your most recent documents in two or three ways. With response letters, determine ways to connect with the reader. Be sure to keep the first four words of your opening line especially strong.