Repeated Ideas

Signs: This habit is difficult to spot immediately. Read through your document, deliberately looking for repeated ideas. Find any? If so, check every document you write for several weeks to correct and ultimately eliminate this problem.

With this second redundancy problem, repeated meaning, you repeat the message using different words. In the following example, the writer thought he was creating lively language, but he was also added unnecessary words:

At Visual Corporation, Sheila Bently served as Vice President of Administration and Planning. In this capacity, she managed 200 functions a year.

“In this capacity” and “Vice President of Administration and Planning” say the same thing. This revision works better:

As Vice President of Administration and Planning at Visual Corporation, Sheila Bently managed over 200 functions a year.

Mending this problem takes more than a quick cut and paste. In most cases, you need to break down and combine your sentences, tossing away words as you do. Look at these instances of repetition and their word-saving solutions.

Direct mail pieces play a critical role in marketing campaigns. By using this type of sales technique, you provide a quick, timely message that the prospective customers can easily read and appreciate. Numerous other documents can be helpful in your campaign to reach as many potential customers as possible.

becomes:

Direct-mail pieces, among other documents, play a critical role in marketing campaigns by providing a quick, timely

TRY THIS! Isolate and cut the wordiness in these paragraphs.

Each year, on January 1, thousands of people make resolutions to welcome in the new year. And every year, thousands of people break their new resolutions — especially when they resolve to stop smoking completely. For this reason, among many others, our company and numerous other companies have absolutely resolved to make the entire month of January a no-smoking month.

If you see a fellow employee engaged in a smoking activity, tell that person you care and then ask him or her to put the cigarette out. If you are a smoker, you can go to our nurses’ station where you will receive free candy and gum to help you stop smoking cigarettes. These treats are free and are available to all smokers in our company during this no-smoking month.

The no-smoke campaign is an integral part of the company’s Live Well campaign that includes sports activities, diet tips for weight loss, and more!

message that prospective customers can easily read and appreciate.

This:

An important part of our company’s purpose is to develop housing solutions that are environmentally sensitive. To accomplish this very important goal, we understand both the law regarding environmental regulations and its purpose.

becomes:

One of our missions is to develop environmentally sensitive housing solutions by understanding the relevant laws and the purposes behind them.
Sometimes redundancy lurks in sets of words that repeat, rather than reinforce, meaning. For example, “past history.” If future history were possible, we’d all take Future History 101 and learn which stock to pick in the year 2030. Another example is “sports activities,” as in “The YMCA likes to encourage teens to participate in sports activities.” Sports is an activity, so cut.