Jargon

Signs: Strings of long, industry-related words, abbreviations, and acronyms.

Jargon refers to words individuals in specific industries use to describe their services or products. The high-tech industry, for example, is loaded with jargon. So is the financial world.

When you see jargon from other industries, you probably get confused and distracted, wanting familiar terms instead. On the other hand, your organization’s jargon probably seems natural to you. But, it will alienate your readers, causing them to skim your document or put it away altogether. By using more natural language you’ll create a more inviting message. This does not mean that you’ll lower your standard of writing or sound less professional. Nor does it mean that you’ll develop one writing style for all audiences. And yes, you can still use words specific to your field, such as the names of processes or parts.

Look at the difference between jargon and relaxed language in the following examples:

A Legal Letter

Jargon: In response to your 93A demand letters addressed to Tina Louisa dated June 11, and upon review of all documents pertaining to the above matter, Louisa and Partners, Inc., would like to present the offer described herewith as settlement sum for the above-referenced matter. Said offer is for settlement purposes only and does not constitute an admission of liability.

Professional: After reviewing your 93A demand letter to Tina Louisa, dated June 11, and all the material pertaining to this matter, Louisa and Partners, Inc., would like to offer the following settlement. This offer is for settlement purposes only and in no way suggests that the company is at fault.

An insurance Information sheet

Jargon: Paying for medical care is an example of the direct costs normally associated with workplace accidents. This cost can diminish if the employer utilizes our provider network and one of our personal providers renders the necessary services. In addition, there are indirect costs that must be considered. These include expenses for training and lost productivity, which equal and/or exceed medical care costs.

Professional. Workplace accidents directly impact employers since they must cover the cost of their employees’ medical treatment. Of course, these expenses lessen when employees use doctors and other health professionals from our network. In addition, employers pay an equal or even greater price for training and lost productivity.
A manufacturing letter

Jargon: Stress analysis was performed again to determine the load necessary to fail the part considering the reduction in size of the newer model. The determination was inconclusive. Therefore, it is suggested that the part be disassembled, cleaned, and examined. After completion of this test, it should be observed in its operational state under normal conditions.

Relaxed: We performed a stress test to determine how much weight would cause the part to fail considering that the newer model was smaller than the older one. The test was inconclusive. As a next step, we would like to disassemble, clean, and examine the part, then observe it operating under normal conditions.

A consultant’s report

Jargon: Solutions have been found for Dorman Oil to capture and leverage critical knowledge contained in manuals, reports, training materials, and in the human memory banks of the individual and collective employees. One of the above solutions is to refine isolated information and integrate it into the employee bank through multimedia and other technologies.

Relaxed: We have found solutions for Dorman Oil so it can benefit from the information within the company, including manuals, reports, training materials, and, of course, employees’ know-how. One solution is for Dorman Oil to summarize key points in employee training sessions that incorporate multimedia and other technologies.

Take the risk!

I recently met with an editorial board of a large HMO. The problem: public image. The solution: lively, more reader-focused communications. During the meeting, I recommended several changes. One was that their writers eliminate industry jargon that transformed an everyday message into a threat.
You Have Now Entered
the Twilight Zone of Wordsmithing

Ah, how easily you pick up the newspaper or comb through a magazine enjoying the articles. And that coworker — the one with the desk beside yours — you read through his letters, make a few comments, say the writing’s okay, and hand it back. Ah, the written word. That pleasant. That easy.

Once you start editing your own work, though, you get a strange, almost Twilight Zonesque insight into word use. First, you notice that awkward paragraph, wordy sentence, or jargon each time you write. You’re annoyed, but nonchalant. After all, you can correct the problems and improve your skills with a little practice.

Suddenly you notice — your coworker, the one whose writing you see virtually every day — his writing is as wordy as yours, no actually, more wordy than yours. And that structure slips and slides like a first-time in-line skater. Why hadn’t you noticed it before?

The situation escalates as you pick up your favorite newspaper and stare at the headline. Is there no rest? No peace from your new knowledge? You see how the paper ruthlessly twisted words to manipulate the readers’ attention. And those passives; those sloppy sentences. And that condescending tone as if you, dear reader, would accept a K-Mart brand of wordsmithing rather than Macy’s.

But don’t worry! Your newfound knowledge needn’t put you in readers’ hell. It will highlight good writing in neon shades, giving you a spy’s insight into messages that manipulate and helping you create better business documents. And that coworker — you can help him, too.

At that point, one of the vice presidents turned red and said, “We’ve been using that language for the full 20 years I’ve been with this company! Why should we change it now?” The answer was clear: because they had been using it for 20 years. Yet that vice president, along with so many others in the business world, was afraid of change. Fortunately, others in the meeting disagreed. As a focus group later revealed, the more relaxed tone won the readers’ interest.

To upgrade your writing, take risks. Venture from the old and familiar into new and more challenging alternatives. The sentence doesn’t sound right? Rewrite it. Don’t like the tone? Tighten. But mostly, recognize that writing is the world’s fastest-changing fashion. And you, the successful businessperson, must keep up with the changes.