Repeated Words

Signs: Words repeated four or five times in an average paragraph or three or more times in a sentence.Businesspeople typically pound repeated words, phrases, lines, paragraphs, and even complete ideas into their writing, stretching a two-minute message into what seems like hours. Redundancy is more than an unfortunate habit, however, and results from four factors:
1. The first, most deadly factor, is insecurity. If you say it once, well, that’s okay, but are you really being clear enough? After all, the offer is so good or the instructions are so complicated, you must describe every important nuance. Sometimes this process is barely conscious — the repeats just slip in, filling up the page. The simple alternative: say it once and say it right, then move to the next point.
2. Many businesspeople feel a subtle but ever-present mistrust of their readers. They think they need to pound their message into their readers’ brains. After all, readers might be dull witted or perhaps lazy, and they probably watch so much TV they can’t possibly absorb the message the first time through. Some of this may be true. On the other hand, your readers might be bright and fully conscious of what they are reading. Make sure your message hops, not drags, by cutting redundancy.
3. Rather than vary sentence structure, shift the actor, play with transitions, or dig up alternative words, some writers repeat the same words and phrases as a way to glue the message together. Structurally, anyway, this trick works. Yet the message seems as foundationless and flimsy as a child’s paper house. To create great writing, tattoo this word into your thoughts: variety.
4. The notion of repetition is based on the surprisingly solid, yet misleading, idea that to drive a message home, you must remind the reader of your main point or points. It’s true when you’re writing 90-page theses, 500-page dissertations, and 300page proposals. But repetition only bogs down your average 1-to-5-page letters, brochures, case studies, reports, and other documents.

Of all the poor writing habits, repeated words are probably the easiest to detect. Simply look for words that appear approximately three or more times in a paragraph and cut. Take this typical example, the repeated “I” from a cover letter to a potential employer:

I currently earn a salary in the low six figures. I would consider opportunities at this level.

To eliminate the “I,”combine sentences:

I currently earn a salary in the low six figures and would consider opportunities at this level.

If you really want a smooth finish, you can cut even further:

I would consider opportunities at my current, low-six-figure level.

This strategy usually works when you have one actor involved in two or three short actions. More often, one person, organization, or item is involved in numerous actions for several paragraphs or pages. The best solution: Shift the focus onto a different actor. Here’s an example:

Our alarm system offers a 24-hour security guard who signals the police at the slightest suggestion of an intruder. Our system also offers something other systems don’t: a backup response unit in case of electrical failure. Our system also contains the newest computerized scanning device that determines exactly where and when the intrusion occurred.
Now, shift the focus to the person who matters most: the reader. In the process, you’ll replace that repeated “system” with more interesting language:

With our alarm system, you’ll have a 24-hour security guard who signals the police at the suggestion of an intruder. You’ll also appreciate the computerized scanning device that determines exactly where and when the intrusion occurred. No need to worry about electrical failure, either, thanks to our backup response unit.

Another option most business writers love is bullets:

Our alarm system is unique because it gives you:
• A 24-hour security guard who signals the police at the slightest suggestion of an intruder.
• A backup response unit so you’re always protected — even with electrical failure.
• The newest computerized scanning device to determine exactly where and when the intrusion occurred.

A word of caution here. One of the most common repetition problems appears in bullets with setups like this:Why use Quick-Clean services?
We are knowledgeable. That means we know your business’s needs — whether a small office or a large warehouse.
We are also experienced. In fact, we have 50 long years of experience making business environments sparkling clean.
We make sure our staff is trained to polish every surface and clean every corner.
And this:Professional Printers will give you:
• a unique selection of paper products
• a trained staff who will help you develop a look that’s right for your business
• a 10% discount the first time you use our service
Starting each bullet with the same words is fatal to the fast, clean message both writers intended. Look at these revisions:Why use Quick-Clean services? Here are three good reasons:
• Knowledge. We know your business needs — whether a small office or a large warehouse.
• Experience. For almost 50 years, we’ve made businesses sparkling clean.
• Training. All our staff receive training on effective ways to polish every surface and clean every corner.
Professional Printers will give you a:
• unique selection of paper products
• trained staff who will help you develop a look that’s right for your business
• 10% discount the first time you use our service

Exceptions: Repetition can work in your favor. Like a good dance beat, it keeps readers going, moving them from point to point in a jouncy, suggestive style. Here’s an example from an in-house memo at an accounting firm:

Yes, our processes need to be faster. And yes, Ted’s idea about restructuring the managerial team will have many benefits. And yes, giving Jeff the Candice account will free up Mike and Terry. But you can take an easier, more streamlined approach to making these changes.
When using repetition, do so consciously, and follow these guidelines:
• Use repetition only once in a two- or three-page document. The novelty of any unusual format or style vanishes pretty quickly.
• Repeat interesting words that will intrigue your readers. Scratch small, everyday words, such as “we,” or phrases, such as “we can help you,” from the list.
• Reinforce your organization’s image or your primary message in whichever word or phrase you repeat. Interesting buzzwords that appear throughout your document will work well here.
• Introduce repeated words or phrases at the beginning of a sentence or paragraph when possible, so they act as hooks, taking your readers from thought to thought.