The I/We Phobia

One of the most glaring passive problems comes from a malady that plagues groups from outplacement firms to marketing departments — the I/we phobia. People feel that using the first person will take emphasis off the subject, make the message boring, or create

You and Me and Even I

One afternoon, a manager at a software development company showed me a stack of reports she’d written. The first thing I noticed was that she, like so many others in her organization, had strayed down the dreary path of passivity with writing like this:

On Wednesday, DeltaTech was contacted so the next step to securing this important account could begin. Because the president was unavailable, her assistant was contacted and an appointment date was established.

As I expected, the manager was the actor in this actorless paragraph, but felt leery about using the dreaded “I.” I gave her the firstperson go-ahead, reinstating the importance of including an actor in every sentence. The next week, though, she returned with her revision. Here’s the good news: she had created the active voice using clear, direct sentences. Now, the bad news: her message harbored enough pronouns to weigh down a computer screen.

On Wednesday, I contacted DeltaTech so I could determine the next step I should take to secure this important account. I was unable to reach the president so I spoke with her assistant so I could arrange an appointment.

I explained that her revision needed some careful crafting. After all, she could create active language without repeating the actor. Eventually her well-written document looked like this:

On Wednesday, I contacted DeltaTech to determine the next ste in securing this important account. Since the president was unavailable, I spoke with her assistant to arrange an appointment.
unnecessary repetition. Let’s set the record straight: Yes, you can use the first person. In fact, you need the first person when you or your organization is responsible for an action. You simply don’t want to suffocate your writing with it.

Exceptions . Like most great rules, the rule against the passive voice has exceptions. In the newspaper business, for instance, reporters know that sometimes the recipient, or object, of the action is more interesting than the actor and belongs at the beginning of the sentence. For instance:

Mayor Wilson was hit by a car.

In the active sentence, “A car hit Mayor Wilson,” the actor, “car,” is far less important than the recipient of the action, “MayorWilson.”

In addition, the passive voice creates a smoother sentence when you have several actors:

The proposal was developed by Tom Hutton of Craswell Industries, Lisa Glibb of LBG, Martin Hayes of Cantwell, Inc., and Fran Lincoln of GH Industries.

On a rare occasion, you will want to conceal the actor’s identity, either because the circumstances are awkward or because you don’t know the actor. A typical example is: “Fred was fired.” Probably several individuals or an entire committee was responsible for firing Fred; you wouldn’t want to mention any of them.

In addition, when you’re giving your reader a command or an instruction, don’t bother mentioning an actor. This device is a favorite of parents everywhere who use lines such as:

Clean up that bedroom right now!

In the business world, speaking directly to the reader is helpful for creating tight, clear instructions for manuals, registration forms, and other documents. Here’s an example from a training catalog:
To register for upcoming seminars, please:
• Print your name, department number, and extension number on the form below.
• Print the seminar number and name on the next line.
• Send this information to our office through interoffice mail by January 21.
• Be sure to arrive at the seminars at least ten minutes before the official starting time.

Imagine that each one of these commands has a “you” hidden within it that the reader naturally anticipates and understands.

Secrets of the Passive Voice Revealed!

Rumor:Passive means boring words; active means lively words.

Truth: Passive and active voice address a structural issue only — the relationship between the actor and the action in the sentence.

Rumor: Sometimes no one is responsible for the action.

Truth: This idea defies every scientific notion imaginable. A leaf is blown around. What blew the leaf? The wind. A child is frightened in the night but no one and nothing lurks in the room. Something imaginary scared the child.

Rumor: If you want to be secretive, use passives.

Truth: Nope. If you want to be secretive, omit information — an entirely different idea from omitting an actor. Don’t say, “The assignment was carried out.” Say, “One of our team carried out the assignment.”

Rumor: The reader doesn’t know the difference between passive and active, so why worry?

Truth: Right, the reader doesn’t know the difference between passive and active. Or between a misplaced modifier and a logical sentence. Or, for that matter, between one grammatical idea and another. But, the reader will become confused and distracted by passives, so avoid them.
TRY THIS! Test your rewriter’s eye by locating the passive voice.
1. Review your notes to make sure that behavioral observations are stated and are not arbitrary judgments. These reviews will be examined by the committee and used to evaluate the employee. If there are any concerns, please contact me. It is important that all your questions are answered before the report is completed.
2. Some of the information that will be learned is how to ask the right questions to gauge customer satisfaction and how to read data so that important insights can be gained. The groups are deliberately kept small so participants can raise individual concerns and cases. To participate, a check for $150 per person should be received by February 15. Our staff can be contacted at extension 1232 if more information is needed.