Tired Phrases

Signs: Clusters of overused and wordy phrases.

Those dull, tired phrases. The trouble is that most businesspeople think they are necessary — even professional — and sneak them into their writing. Some businesspeople even claim they’re the only option in a world with all too few words.

I recently worked with the marketing department at a large insurance company. The writers could string words together like beads on a necklace. Besides that, they were energetic, spending nine or ten hours writing under deadline with barely a complaint. However, one writing quirk guaranteed that their newsletters, brochures, and announcements would end up in the trash. Tired expressions relegated their otherwise peppy and informative language into dreary smears of words. We reviewed lines like these:

You can always be sure that our coverage will give you the protection you want day in and day out.

At our insurance company, we do our best to provide you with the services that will meet your needs.
They tried writing and rewriting, each time coming up with dull and wordy expressions. At last, the vice president, who sat among the group, said, “You have to use these phrases — there’s no choice!”Untrue! For every wordy, tired phrase, you can find a fresh or, simply, more direct one. This example:

You can always be sure that our coverage . . .

can become:
• Be assured our coverage
• Just know our coverage
• Naturally our coverage

Reminder: Use Care and Judgment When Cutting!

You do want to wring extra words from your writing like water from a sponge. And you do want the fastest, liveliest language possible. But you must use care and logic when making corrections, as this cautionary tale reveals:

Several years ago, I trained the workforce at a manufacturing company, starting with the senior managers and moving to other levels. As I was discussing the importance of using tight, concise language, one of the managers stopped me to explain that several years before, another writing consultant had trained his department’s employees. He had emphasized, as I did, the problem of wordiness. Everyone loved the seminar and walked away with improved writing skills.

So they had thought. According to the manager, once the employees returned to their desks and actually started writing, their messages were weaker than before. The problem was so intense that management essentially had to untrain them! After working with his employees in subsequent sessions, I understood why. They were trying so hard to eliminate extra words, they chopped out information that would support them in court or explain touchy decisions about broken parts or prices.
. . . will give you the protection you want . . .

can become:
• will protect you
• will give you vital protection
• will give you appropriate protection
• . . . day in and day out
can become:
• always
• constantly
• ceaselessly
The idea, again, is to cut ho-hum phrases and replace them with simpler, more direct alternatives. You can use a different tone, too, creating a less wordy, more saleslike message:

At our insurance company, we do our best to provide your family with the coverage that will meet all your needs

can become:
• Getting your family the right coverage — that’s your goal and our business.
• Like a carpenter, we work to build your family the sturdiest, most reliable coverage possible.

Now, look at this paragraph from a chiropractor’s office:

I am writing again in regard to your visits to our office. As I previously mentioned in our last letter, in spite of the fact that you promised to pay in full on numerous other occasions, we have not received any payments. In view of this fact, we must refuse to provide further treatments at this point in time. If you do not send a payment as soon as possible, we must forward your account to our legal department.
By cutting tired phrases, this document can look like this:

As I mentioned in my last letter, we have not received any payments from you, although you promised to pay for your chiropractic visits in full. Therefore, we must withhold further treatments. If you do not send a payment immediately, we must forward your account to our legal department.

Notice the difference between these wordy and concise phrases:

also

How do you identify tired expressions? As always, the little words are a tip-off. Look for them. In addition, consciously seek out phrases you’ve seen over and over, then cut. Finally, listen to your sentences. If you notice a dull, constant rhythm, check your word use.